My kids are so funny

These stories always make me smile.

Look mommy, I peed on the potty!

Zoe began potty training at age 16 months. By 18 months, she was using the potty occasionally. On one such occasion she peed in her little potty without me prompting her. She was so proud that she brought the potty to me and dumped it on the floor to show me what a big girl she was.

We were eating peanut butter at midnight

Jordan and Ashton were quite the pair. They were a year apart but acted more like twins. When Jordan was 3 and Ashton was 4 they used to get in all sorts of trouble. One morning at the butt crack of dawn, Chuck rolls over and asks me what I am cooking. Suddenly I bolted upright thinking the kids were attempting to cook.

I turn to see two very little people butt naked and covered head to toe in peanut butter. On closer inspection, they didn’t just use the peanut butter as body paint. They smeared in on the walls, the couch, the light fixtures and the toilet, (don’t ask). Needless to say it was the last time Chuck and I left peanut butter out overnight.

Mommy Has a Potty Mouth

When I was pregnant with Zoe, I took the older kids to a sibling class. The instructor asked the kids what they were going to teach their new siblings. Jordan, age 11, volunteers, "I am going to teach her how to talk because my mom did a bad job with Rylee and her first words were, Oh Shit". Thanks Jor. For the record, little Talia now runs around yelling, "Shit".

Clown Makeup

Rylee, age 6, came into the living room one evening all dolled up for new years eve. She had on a fancy dress, pretty shoes and lots of makeup and much to my dismay, she looked like a clown. Alex was due to pick her up momentarily, so I told her to hurry and go wash her face because she’s not allowed out of the house with makeup on.

She comes back into the living room a few minutes later claiming to have washed. When I pointed out all the makeup left on her face, she says, “What should I take it off with, tape?”

Things I never thought I’d hear myself saying

~Don’t stick your fingers in your vagina and then in your sister’s mouth!

~Do not open your butt hole by your sister’s nose!

~Do not open your vagina to show your friends!

~If you are going to stick fingers in your butt hole, you have to wash your hands right after

~Don't put my hair in your vagina!

~Don't stick the bookmark in your vagina!

~Zoe! Don't spread Tali's butt cheeks open and please stop sticking your face her by butt hole!

~And my all time favorite was when Jordan yelled: "Mooooooooooooooooom, Rylee is getting giney juice on my bed!”

I'm in a weird mood and felt like laughing.